the SIED project
Support, Information & Expression: Daily life with self-injury

Feelings

The sound of death echoes through her mind, as she lays down to sleep. She no longer has feelings or else she would still be crying over the last thing that was on her mind, from a couple of weeks. She has did it again fell in love with another and got screwed in the end. She gives up now, her mind can no longer take the numbness from which the pain had trigger the spot in which she can no longer feel. She wonders why she was kept on this earth if all she felt was hate all around her. It was almost like she wanted to kill everyone she can closer too. The image of him floats through her mind once again and yet she still wonders why she did it for the second time after she realized what happened to her the first. But this time it wasn’t that bad. She didn’t cry as much this time and didn’t show as much anger, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. Just because she didn’t show it, it was still there, staring her in the face every time she looked into the mirror. She’s scared of herself now scared of what she might do, she still has the marks on her arms from the last time, but this time was different. She understood it better. She knew she had brought it upon herself. All she thought was this is the way to get him to like her, and if this was the consequences she might as well take it. She had gone so long without cutting that the pain now was starting to excite her, that soon she would be able to cut soon this will all be over. She moves closer towards the drawer she keeps her razor in, but instead walks away because she didn't want to go through that pain again. Because this time she might die. So she walks away and decides to stay away for good. She has gone so long without cutting that she doesn't need it now. She finally actually starting to let go of her depression. She's tired of everything being bottled up. She wants to finally let go.

© Danielle Boudreau

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This page was last updated Friday, 1 February 2008.
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