I’m so tired 2

I’m so tired of this,
All I want to do is sleep,
So frustrated,
Will this pain ever end,
Will life ever get better,
I feel so completely ugly,
I’m afraid to look at myself,
In the mirror,
And see the person I’ve turned out to be,
Why is my life so worthless,
Where is the meaning,
The purpose,
I’m not healthy enough,
To do anything,
What is the point of me living,
I don’t know why I keep fighting,
I wish I could stop starving myself,
When I look at myself I feel so ugly,
Sometimes I wonder why I was even born,
Is my purpose just to be the victim,
Why can’t I just be normal,
Why can’t I be like everyone else,
I can’t seem to take the simplest argument,
Or the stupidest frustration,
Freak I can’t do anything right,
I can’t do anything right,
I react slightly,
And I totally mess up,
Why can’t I just be normal,
Not filled with paranoia, and anxiety,
I just want to hide,
Get away,
I just want to be free,
Free from the voices inside,
Free from the anxiety,
The Depression, the pain,
When will this ever end,
All I want is to be free,
Free from everything,
Free from the pain that tortures me,
I long for relief,
Or even physical pain of any kind,
Would be better,
Than what I feel inside,
Why the heck am I alive,
To live a life of pain, and despair,
I might as well be dead,
I can’t seem to do anything right anyways,
What impact can I make on people,
When I’m in this state,
I want to help others, to serve,
But right now I can’t.
All I am is a burden to everyone,
A pointless life,
As tears flow down my face,
I wish for a better day,
But what’s the use in hoping,
I long for death to come its way,
To take me out of this painful misery,
I can’t stand it all,
I just wanta grab a knife,
And spill my blood,
Or OD on my meds,
Just anything to take me away,
I’m so tired,
All I want to do is sleep,
And even though I sleep,
I’m never satisfied,
Sometimes I just wish,
I could sleep forever,
Never wake up,
To face this world again,
Maybe I’d be better off in the grave,
What worth am I anyway,
Why the heck do I feel this way,
All hope seems lost,
Like I will never be free again,
Shackled in chains,
I can not break
I long for people to care,
People to notice,
I long for love,
But I feel as if the world,
Has turned its back,
I call out for freedom,
But it doesn’t come,
I don’t know
Why I even carry on,
I’m tired of fighting,
I just wanta die,
I just want to be free,
From the pain inside,
As depression fills my mind,
And life seems out of control,
Where in the world,
Am I supposed to go,
Is the life I live,
really worth it,
Worth the fight just to stay alive,
I wish I had succeeded before,
and left this lonely earth,
As thoughts of death,
Fill my mind,
I wonder why I even try to survive,
What is the use of me being alive,
Back and forth my emotions go,
And here I am very low,
Will I ever become free,
from this pain inside of me,
Death or life,
I can not decide,
But I’m leaning towards suicide,
I can’t take this pain,
This destruction anymore,
I just want to give up,
And go home.

© Rachel Buchner